Tag Archives: partnerships

Reality Check: You Use People

Had a conversation with my homegirl this weekend and we concluded that:
“everyone uses everyone.” Life is transactional. 

So with that said, why can’t people just be honest and say what they want to “use” that person for and if that individual is with it than great but if not move then move on to the next …. 

That makes good business sense to me. I think it’s when folks are dishonest and sneaky and misrepresent their true intentions that people get angry and backlash and there is collateral damage …. 

In life, partnerships are created based on two entities needing or wanting something from the other person. Contracts are drafted everyday based on two consenting entities entering into a mutually beneficial arrangement. Wouldn’t you rather have someone tell you out front what they want from you and then you can decide if there is something you want from them and move on from there. 

Relationships are not or shouldn’t be that tricky. But somehow people make them so complicated via lies and deceit ….and that leave a lot of people bitter and resentful. Kind of like “buyers remorse” …

I know a friend of mine that got pregnant. She wasn’t ready to have a child but the guy she was with wanted her to have his baby and he wanted to find a way to make her stay. Did they have the baby? Yes. Did she stay with him? No. Deep down I wondered what would’ve been the outcome of he just flat out told her, I love you, I want you to have my Children and she told him her desires. Her desires at the time was to start her business but not to have kids.  

Their relationship ended not long after their child was born which left a feeling of divide and brokenness and disappointment in their lives and in the child’s life.

Sometimes I wonder if they would have stayed together if the two were honest with each other about what they want from one another. 

Maybe if they were honest he would have moved on and entered into a relationship with someone who really wanted to settle down and have children at that time in their life. Still everything happens for a reason…and a blessing of a wonderful child came from that union but not with out some very painful collateral damage. 

I think a lot about how relationships operate in this day in age. Do people really “marry” out of love or is it something else like necessity or convenience (to help pay bills, have someone to cook for them, please physical desires, etc). What are you using your partner for? I’m sure it’s something.  I wonder how much healthier relationships and families and people would be if they were in tune with what they wanted and communicated those desires to their beloved.I think this is a reasonable thing that people can start doing it’s important to evaluate what do you need from this person that you can’t have by yourself. Is it kids and building a family? Is it emotional companionship? Is it physical companionship? Good conversation? Is it financial resources? Ask yourself what does the other person want from me and most importantly am I willing to give of those things . 

If nothing else I think these are observations  and eventually conversations that need to take place before any real relationship or commitment can be made.

Everything in life is transactional…what are you willing to give and what do you want to take?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…..